Since my last post the pain has continued to increase in frequency as well as intensity and duration. My migraines are still being held at bay (thank goodness for that at least!) but man, the pain is killing me. This is all starting to feel uncomfortably too familiar. It hasn't been 2 years since my lap and here I am again feeling very much like I was months before I had it. I feel myself slipping with regards to energy and how much I have to give to my everyday responsibilities... With work, school, hubby, and church callings I'm beginning to feel much like Bilbo Baggins, "like not enough butter spread over too much bread."
The plan was to get the Mirena next month, but I wonder now if that will even be worth it when my pain (especially with regards to my bladder and bowel movements) has increased this much in just a span of a month and 1/2. I know the Mirena helps with not letting the Endo progress as well as with the bleeding, but will it even touch my other symptoms? Why put myself through a painful insertion and 6 months of crazy bleeding when it may not even help? Does that make sense or am I just panicking?
I think I need to have a good talk with my doc and explore other options. I know this sounds insane, but I want to have another Lap. I figure if we go in and do some more work on those adhesions and endometriomas, perhaps I can have the Mirena placed during the surgery and we can start from a better place... I'm not sure if this is possible or if my doc will even go for it, but I don't really know what else to do/try/think.
On another note, I've taken up yoga and am working on cutting out wheat from my diet. I've increased my flaxseed intake and am thinking of adding fish to my diet. (I was allergic to it most of my childhood and just never learned to like it.) I know this won't make all the pain go away, but at least its a start, right?... I hope?
Tonight is going to be another Lortab night... *sigh*
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Whoops, I sat on a knife!
Or not...more like my Endo giving my intestines a really hard time this week... *sigh* Ever since I started on this new "mini-pill" my head has felt a whole lot better (hooray for no daily migraines!) but a lot of my "old friends" (as I cynically call them) have resurfaced. Before I had my Lap I suffered from a lot of intestinal pains that I had a hard time convincing doctors of. The best way to explain the pain would be to compare it to what sitting on a knife might feel like. Sharp stabbing pain whenever I'd sit down too quickly, and especially during BM's. Horrible, tearing/pulling type pain. After my Lap I was told that my intestines (both small and large) were just covered in Endo and it was the primary location of most of my adhesions. Lovely! Finally an explanation for all that pain! Turns out it wasn't IBS and/or my imagination after all! Grrrr....
After my Lap those pains disappeared for a considerable amount of time. Recently they've started resurfacing, but this week has been just ridiculous! I've been in constant pain for about 5 days now. Ben says, "Have you gone to the bathroom today?" I just roll my eyes as I know I'm not dealing with constipation here... if I were to eat any more fiber I think I'd explode. :)
So this is exactly what I'd feared it would be... a simple trade off of pain. I can either deal with the migraines (which we've established isn't very safe for me at this point) or deal with the Endo pain because my meds aren't really suppressing it worth 2 beans! Along with my intestinal pains I've also been reacquainting myself with my other "old friends"- bladder pain and that randomly wandering side pain. Oh the joys... I've missed them so much! NOT...
This past AF was atrocious and I'm dreading my next one. My only consolation is the hope that when I get the Mirena inserted in May/June things just *might* start looking up. I've also been seriously contemplating doing that drastic diet overhaul that's supposed to be really effective at relieving Endo symptoms. I've been resisting that because giving up wheat, sugars, dairy, and red meat leave me with little to no palatable choices, as I am NOT a very big veggie eater. I may have to take it one food group at a time, but I'm reaching the point where I'm just about ready to do/try anything.
Anyone have some good recipes? :)
After my Lap those pains disappeared for a considerable amount of time. Recently they've started resurfacing, but this week has been just ridiculous! I've been in constant pain for about 5 days now. Ben says, "Have you gone to the bathroom today?" I just roll my eyes as I know I'm not dealing with constipation here... if I were to eat any more fiber I think I'd explode. :)
So this is exactly what I'd feared it would be... a simple trade off of pain. I can either deal with the migraines (which we've established isn't very safe for me at this point) or deal with the Endo pain because my meds aren't really suppressing it worth 2 beans! Along with my intestinal pains I've also been reacquainting myself with my other "old friends"- bladder pain and that randomly wandering side pain. Oh the joys... I've missed them so much! NOT...
This past AF was atrocious and I'm dreading my next one. My only consolation is the hope that when I get the Mirena inserted in May/June things just *might* start looking up. I've also been seriously contemplating doing that drastic diet overhaul that's supposed to be really effective at relieving Endo symptoms. I've been resisting that because giving up wheat, sugars, dairy, and red meat leave me with little to no palatable choices, as I am NOT a very big veggie eater. I may have to take it one food group at a time, but I'm reaching the point where I'm just about ready to do/try anything.
Anyone have some good recipes? :)
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Take 3
So the migraines just haven't let up... They were the worst while I was on the Femcon, but after a month and 1/2 on Aygestin, I was still having problems with them. I called my doc and told him I was still having them about 2-3 times a week and he had me stop taking the Aygestin immediately. I am now on a progestin only (but very low dose) type of BC pill called "Jolivette." I did some reasearch and found that it's commonly used for Endo patients, so I guess we'll just see. I've been on it since Tuesday and while I haven't had any migraines (yet) I'm super bummed because... I'm bleeding again. *sigh* I really, really, REALLY loved that there was absolutely NO bleeding on the Aygestin. Other than the migraines, I was feeling absolutely GREAT; no cramps, no pains, nothing!!! If it weren't for those darn migraines, I could have been content to stay on those pills for the rest of my life just to keep the pain and bleeding away. Stupid migraines... grrr...
I guess I've reached the point where I have to pick and chose which pain I can (safely) live with better. After 4 months of non-stop migraines and visual distrubances, I think I'll deal with the bleeding and Endo pain for a while. In a few months I'll be trying the Mirena and hopefully that will work wonderfully and I won't have to pick and chose anymore. Until then, it's back to Endo as usual. :/
I guess I've reached the point where I have to pick and chose which pain I can (safely) live with better. After 4 months of non-stop migraines and visual distrubances, I think I'll deal with the bleeding and Endo pain for a while. In a few months I'll be trying the Mirena and hopefully that will work wonderfully and I won't have to pick and chose anymore. Until then, it's back to Endo as usual. :/
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
She's aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiive!!!!
Yep. That would be me... So sorry for worrying you Jeanne, I've been a bad blogger. Very, very bad. I haven't really even been keeping up with my email either (which doesn't help when people are trying to figure out why you've fallen off the face of the planet... again, sorry Jeanne!)
So, after we decided to quit TTC and I got put back on BCP's (which ugh, so NOT a good thing, but more on that later) I kind of went into a funk. After 3 years of doing nothing but obsessing over getting pregnant, I had a really hard time adjusting to doing nothing. As my last few posts reflect, I still wasn't feeling all that hot (constant nausea and pain) and emotionally I was just not holding it together very well. How did I deal? Well, I didn't... I just chose to try to ignore things... ignore the Endo, ignore how I felt, ignore pretty much everything and anything that had even the remotest connection to all this crap. Unfortunately, that meant ignoring this blog... again, I'm sorry.
I think I'm ready to come back now.
What have I been up to lately? Well, pretty much working my bum off. I'm starting a new job here in a few weeks and am currently training my replacement and trying to tie up all loose ends before making the switch. I'm going back to school this fall to finish up my RN, so I'm really excited about that too! We're planning on paying down our debt and then saving up for adoption. Maybe some day we'll attemp IVF... maybe we won't. For right now, we're closing the TTC chapter in our lives for my own health and sanity.
On the Endo front, BCP hasn't been all that fun. The pain has gone away for the most part, so that's great BUT everything else just really bites! I'd been bleeding pretty much non-stop since I started it about 2 months ago. I also started getting migraines more and more frequently and the severity was just out of control. They would last for days at a time, my worst lasted about 5 days... insane, I wanted to die! It brought the nausea back and I was back on Phenegran.
It finally occured to me that maybe it was the BCP's (duh!) so I called my doctor and as soon as he heard what had been happening, he told me to STOP taking them right away and put me back on Aygestin. This was about 1 week ago and so far that was hands down the best decision ever! The bleeding stopped pretty much over night (YAY!!!) and the migraines have been slowly getting better. I was told Aygestin can cause headaches, but we're hoping it will at least not be as severe as what I'd been experiencing before. I'm starting to feel a lot better, so I'm hoping this will be successful. I still plan on getting the Mirena IUD in a few months, so we'll see.
Hope you are all having a great (and pain free!) day! :)
So, after we decided to quit TTC and I got put back on BCP's (which ugh, so NOT a good thing, but more on that later) I kind of went into a funk. After 3 years of doing nothing but obsessing over getting pregnant, I had a really hard time adjusting to doing nothing. As my last few posts reflect, I still wasn't feeling all that hot (constant nausea and pain) and emotionally I was just not holding it together very well. How did I deal? Well, I didn't... I just chose to try to ignore things... ignore the Endo, ignore how I felt, ignore pretty much everything and anything that had even the remotest connection to all this crap. Unfortunately, that meant ignoring this blog... again, I'm sorry.
I think I'm ready to come back now.
What have I been up to lately? Well, pretty much working my bum off. I'm starting a new job here in a few weeks and am currently training my replacement and trying to tie up all loose ends before making the switch. I'm going back to school this fall to finish up my RN, so I'm really excited about that too! We're planning on paying down our debt and then saving up for adoption. Maybe some day we'll attemp IVF... maybe we won't. For right now, we're closing the TTC chapter in our lives for my own health and sanity.
On the Endo front, BCP hasn't been all that fun. The pain has gone away for the most part, so that's great BUT everything else just really bites! I'd been bleeding pretty much non-stop since I started it about 2 months ago. I also started getting migraines more and more frequently and the severity was just out of control. They would last for days at a time, my worst lasted about 5 days... insane, I wanted to die! It brought the nausea back and I was back on Phenegran.
It finally occured to me that maybe it was the BCP's (duh!) so I called my doctor and as soon as he heard what had been happening, he told me to STOP taking them right away and put me back on Aygestin. This was about 1 week ago and so far that was hands down the best decision ever! The bleeding stopped pretty much over night (YAY!!!) and the migraines have been slowly getting better. I was told Aygestin can cause headaches, but we're hoping it will at least not be as severe as what I'd been experiencing before. I'm starting to feel a lot better, so I'm hoping this will be successful. I still plan on getting the Mirena IUD in a few months, so we'll see.
Hope you are all having a great (and pain free!) day! :)
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Saltine crackers
They are my new best friend... OH MY GOSH I am so tired of being on the verge of puking all day, every day. I can hardly eat anything... this is NOT cool.
For the record, I am VERY bitter about this mock-morning sickness when I've just had to stop TTC. Sometimes life is beyond cruel... :(
For the record, I am VERY bitter about this mock-morning sickness when I've just had to stop TTC. Sometimes life is beyond cruel... :(
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
This just feels plain WRONG!
So I started my BC pills last night... I'm on Femcon 35 (the chewable version of Ovcon 35. That's just hillarious... Chewable BC pills? Like they're too big to swallow or something?!?!) As I sat there with my new little white pill in my hand (which actually smells minty, go figure!) I was having this internal struggle in my head.
"Take the pill, Alex"
"No! This stuff makes me STOP ovulating and makes my cervical mucus HOSTILE!"
"Alex, take the stupid pill, it'll make the bleeding go away."
"No! Bleeding means I'm ovulating... Ovulating means there is still a chance!(even if its less than 2%...)"
"Do you WANT to have another Lap in a few months?"
"...no..."
"Take the pill."
"NO! I want a BABY!!!"
"GIVE IT UP, GET A GRIP, & SWALLOW THE DANG PILL ALREADY!"
......... *gulp*
*Sigh*
Then my right ovary has a particularly painful twinge and the stupid logical voice in my head says, "See? Told you so!"
"Take the pill, Alex"
"No! This stuff makes me STOP ovulating and makes my cervical mucus HOSTILE!"
"Alex, take the stupid pill, it'll make the bleeding go away."
"No! Bleeding means I'm ovulating... Ovulating means there is still a chance!(even if its less than 2%...)"
"Do you WANT to have another Lap in a few months?"
"...no..."
"Take the pill."
"NO! I want a BABY!!!"
"GIVE IT UP, GET A GRIP, & SWALLOW THE DANG PILL ALREADY!"
......... *gulp*
*Sigh*
Then my right ovary has a particularly painful twinge and the stupid logical voice in my head says, "See? Told you so!"
Saturday, November 15, 2008
My heart is heavy...
Today I made a very painful and difficult decision, with the help and support of my wonderful hubby. After much thought and prayer, we've decided to call it quits on the TTC front. Not forever, but for a while... at least until we can pay off our debt and save up for IVF, which probably will be a good few years...
What brought this on? Well, a few things actually. First off, my body has been having a really hard time the past 2 months especially. I've felt my Endo slowly creeping back to very painful levels. I am now so constantly nauseaous from the pain that I've had to start taking Phenegran to help keep my food/pain meds down. The bleeding/clot-throwing has reached new and frightening levels (similar to pre-Lap) and nothing other than Percocet touches the pain. Thats NOT GOOD. I cannot function on Percocet, but I can barely make it through my days at work on Rx Naproxen & Tylenol or Rx Ibuprofen & Tylenol. I am fearful that if I let the Endo keep progressing (which it will as long as we are TTC and doing fertility meds) I will soon be back in the OR having another Lap. This is a great fear of mine, not because of the pain/Lap itself, but because Ben just had an appendectomy and spent nearly a week in the hospital. Our bills from said surgery are just barely starting to come in, and another surgery would devestate us, financially. I simply cannot put us in that situation on a whim to fulfill a dream of mine that may never come true... Not when the odds are stacked so much against us.
I talked to my wonderful doctor today, and while he was sad to hear the news, he always supports me in everything I choose to do. We had previously talked about the "what if's" regarding if Lupron didn't work and together decided that I'd try the Mirena as a long-term treatment for my Endo until we're ready for IVF. Due to insurance, I have to wait until Jaunuary (when they start covering IUD's) to have mine inserted, but for now my doctor gave me the option of going on continuous BC to provide some modicom of relief. I accepted and he's going to give me some samples on Monday so I don't have to purchase them for just a few months.
I hung up the phone and just cried for a while. Even though I know this is the right thing to do, and what my body needs at this time, it's still hard to give up. I feel weak, like a loser that just quit because I'm not strong/brave enough to face more pain. This is the hardest decision I've had to make in a long long time. Thank goodness for my patient, understanding husband... I could not do this without his support.
Despite the pain and how my heart aches right now, I know that there is still hope. In conjunction with this decision, my resolve to go back to school and finish up my degree has been solidified. I thank my Heavenly Father for opening one door for me as He closes another. I trust in His plan for me and while it may be a tough road, I know I am never alone.
What brought this on? Well, a few things actually. First off, my body has been having a really hard time the past 2 months especially. I've felt my Endo slowly creeping back to very painful levels. I am now so constantly nauseaous from the pain that I've had to start taking Phenegran to help keep my food/pain meds down. The bleeding/clot-throwing has reached new and frightening levels (similar to pre-Lap) and nothing other than Percocet touches the pain. Thats NOT GOOD. I cannot function on Percocet, but I can barely make it through my days at work on Rx Naproxen & Tylenol or Rx Ibuprofen & Tylenol. I am fearful that if I let the Endo keep progressing (which it will as long as we are TTC and doing fertility meds) I will soon be back in the OR having another Lap. This is a great fear of mine, not because of the pain/Lap itself, but because Ben just had an appendectomy and spent nearly a week in the hospital. Our bills from said surgery are just barely starting to come in, and another surgery would devestate us, financially. I simply cannot put us in that situation on a whim to fulfill a dream of mine that may never come true... Not when the odds are stacked so much against us.
I talked to my wonderful doctor today, and while he was sad to hear the news, he always supports me in everything I choose to do. We had previously talked about the "what if's" regarding if Lupron didn't work and together decided that I'd try the Mirena as a long-term treatment for my Endo until we're ready for IVF. Due to insurance, I have to wait until Jaunuary (when they start covering IUD's) to have mine inserted, but for now my doctor gave me the option of going on continuous BC to provide some modicom of relief. I accepted and he's going to give me some samples on Monday so I don't have to purchase them for just a few months.
I hung up the phone and just cried for a while. Even though I know this is the right thing to do, and what my body needs at this time, it's still hard to give up. I feel weak, like a loser that just quit because I'm not strong/brave enough to face more pain. This is the hardest decision I've had to make in a long long time. Thank goodness for my patient, understanding husband... I could not do this without his support.
Despite the pain and how my heart aches right now, I know that there is still hope. In conjunction with this decision, my resolve to go back to school and finish up my degree has been solidified. I thank my Heavenly Father for opening one door for me as He closes another. I trust in His plan for me and while it may be a tough road, I know I am never alone.
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