Here I am 4 days into my mega-pain incident and I just had a nice little conversation with my doc. Looks like Lap#2 is in the cards for me. The pain has been increasing for the past 2 months, what with the "sitting-on-a-knife" feeling, then my bladder problems, horrible super clotty/excrutiating AF's and now this stupid ovary... *sigh* Is it psycho of me to actually be relieved that this surgery is coming? I'm just so at a loss as to what else to do. I can't take the pain meds that work b/c they knock me out but I can't function without them either because the pain is so great it makes me throw up throughout the day... It's not good when you look upon surgery as a joyful event, but what can I say... what else is there to do?!?!
I've been in such a bad state the past few days that I seriously started considering getting rid of that ovary... Thank goodness my doctor was able to talk some sense into me and remind me of our hopes and dreams of children some day. He's gonna check it out and do as much repair work as possible (with that wrap stuff that prevents further adhesion build up) and drill the cysts out, etc. but is very weary of just cutting it out. We're gonna talk more about that at my appt in a few weeks for my pre-op etc. I have to get with my boss tomorrow to solidify a date but right now we're thinking end of May/beg of June.
He's calling me in some Zofran, Tramadol, and more Ibuprofen 800mg. I'm gonna keep up with my Yoga, relaxation breathing, and health(ier) eating in hopes to make it through these next few weeks as sane as possible.
Have I mentioned how much I HATE Endo?!?!? :(
Showing posts with label tough decisions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tough decisions. Show all posts
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Rethinking this Mirena thing....
Since my last post the pain has continued to increase in frequency as well as intensity and duration. My migraines are still being held at bay (thank goodness for that at least!) but man, the pain is killing me. This is all starting to feel uncomfortably too familiar. It hasn't been 2 years since my lap and here I am again feeling very much like I was months before I had it. I feel myself slipping with regards to energy and how much I have to give to my everyday responsibilities... With work, school, hubby, and church callings I'm beginning to feel much like Bilbo Baggins, "like not enough butter spread over too much bread."
The plan was to get the Mirena next month, but I wonder now if that will even be worth it when my pain (especially with regards to my bladder and bowel movements) has increased this much in just a span of a month and 1/2. I know the Mirena helps with not letting the Endo progress as well as with the bleeding, but will it even touch my other symptoms? Why put myself through a painful insertion and 6 months of crazy bleeding when it may not even help? Does that make sense or am I just panicking?
I think I need to have a good talk with my doc and explore other options. I know this sounds insane, but I want to have another Lap. I figure if we go in and do some more work on those adhesions and endometriomas, perhaps I can have the Mirena placed during the surgery and we can start from a better place... I'm not sure if this is possible or if my doc will even go for it, but I don't really know what else to do/try/think.
On another note, I've taken up yoga and am working on cutting out wheat from my diet. I've increased my flaxseed intake and am thinking of adding fish to my diet. (I was allergic to it most of my childhood and just never learned to like it.) I know this won't make all the pain go away, but at least its a start, right?... I hope?
Tonight is going to be another Lortab night... *sigh*
The plan was to get the Mirena next month, but I wonder now if that will even be worth it when my pain (especially with regards to my bladder and bowel movements) has increased this much in just a span of a month and 1/2. I know the Mirena helps with not letting the Endo progress as well as with the bleeding, but will it even touch my other symptoms? Why put myself through a painful insertion and 6 months of crazy bleeding when it may not even help? Does that make sense or am I just panicking?
I think I need to have a good talk with my doc and explore other options. I know this sounds insane, but I want to have another Lap. I figure if we go in and do some more work on those adhesions and endometriomas, perhaps I can have the Mirena placed during the surgery and we can start from a better place... I'm not sure if this is possible or if my doc will even go for it, but I don't really know what else to do/try/think.
On another note, I've taken up yoga and am working on cutting out wheat from my diet. I've increased my flaxseed intake and am thinking of adding fish to my diet. (I was allergic to it most of my childhood and just never learned to like it.) I know this won't make all the pain go away, but at least its a start, right?... I hope?
Tonight is going to be another Lortab night... *sigh*
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Take 3
So the migraines just haven't let up... They were the worst while I was on the Femcon, but after a month and 1/2 on Aygestin, I was still having problems with them. I called my doc and told him I was still having them about 2-3 times a week and he had me stop taking the Aygestin immediately. I am now on a progestin only (but very low dose) type of BC pill called "Jolivette." I did some reasearch and found that it's commonly used for Endo patients, so I guess we'll just see. I've been on it since Tuesday and while I haven't had any migraines (yet) I'm super bummed because... I'm bleeding again. *sigh* I really, really, REALLY loved that there was absolutely NO bleeding on the Aygestin. Other than the migraines, I was feeling absolutely GREAT; no cramps, no pains, nothing!!! If it weren't for those darn migraines, I could have been content to stay on those pills for the rest of my life just to keep the pain and bleeding away. Stupid migraines... grrr...
I guess I've reached the point where I have to pick and chose which pain I can (safely) live with better. After 4 months of non-stop migraines and visual distrubances, I think I'll deal with the bleeding and Endo pain for a while. In a few months I'll be trying the Mirena and hopefully that will work wonderfully and I won't have to pick and chose anymore. Until then, it's back to Endo as usual. :/
I guess I've reached the point where I have to pick and chose which pain I can (safely) live with better. After 4 months of non-stop migraines and visual distrubances, I think I'll deal with the bleeding and Endo pain for a while. In a few months I'll be trying the Mirena and hopefully that will work wonderfully and I won't have to pick and chose anymore. Until then, it's back to Endo as usual. :/
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
This just feels plain WRONG!
So I started my BC pills last night... I'm on Femcon 35 (the chewable version of Ovcon 35. That's just hillarious... Chewable BC pills? Like they're too big to swallow or something?!?!) As I sat there with my new little white pill in my hand (which actually smells minty, go figure!) I was having this internal struggle in my head.
"Take the pill, Alex"
"No! This stuff makes me STOP ovulating and makes my cervical mucus HOSTILE!"
"Alex, take the stupid pill, it'll make the bleeding go away."
"No! Bleeding means I'm ovulating... Ovulating means there is still a chance!(even if its less than 2%...)"
"Do you WANT to have another Lap in a few months?"
"...no..."
"Take the pill."
"NO! I want a BABY!!!"
"GIVE IT UP, GET A GRIP, & SWALLOW THE DANG PILL ALREADY!"
......... *gulp*
*Sigh*
Then my right ovary has a particularly painful twinge and the stupid logical voice in my head says, "See? Told you so!"
"Take the pill, Alex"
"No! This stuff makes me STOP ovulating and makes my cervical mucus HOSTILE!"
"Alex, take the stupid pill, it'll make the bleeding go away."
"No! Bleeding means I'm ovulating... Ovulating means there is still a chance!(even if its less than 2%...)"
"Do you WANT to have another Lap in a few months?"
"...no..."
"Take the pill."
"NO! I want a BABY!!!"
"GIVE IT UP, GET A GRIP, & SWALLOW THE DANG PILL ALREADY!"
......... *gulp*
*Sigh*
Then my right ovary has a particularly painful twinge and the stupid logical voice in my head says, "See? Told you so!"
Saturday, November 15, 2008
My heart is heavy...
Today I made a very painful and difficult decision, with the help and support of my wonderful hubby. After much thought and prayer, we've decided to call it quits on the TTC front. Not forever, but for a while... at least until we can pay off our debt and save up for IVF, which probably will be a good few years...
What brought this on? Well, a few things actually. First off, my body has been having a really hard time the past 2 months especially. I've felt my Endo slowly creeping back to very painful levels. I am now so constantly nauseaous from the pain that I've had to start taking Phenegran to help keep my food/pain meds down. The bleeding/clot-throwing has reached new and frightening levels (similar to pre-Lap) and nothing other than Percocet touches the pain. Thats NOT GOOD. I cannot function on Percocet, but I can barely make it through my days at work on Rx Naproxen & Tylenol or Rx Ibuprofen & Tylenol. I am fearful that if I let the Endo keep progressing (which it will as long as we are TTC and doing fertility meds) I will soon be back in the OR having another Lap. This is a great fear of mine, not because of the pain/Lap itself, but because Ben just had an appendectomy and spent nearly a week in the hospital. Our bills from said surgery are just barely starting to come in, and another surgery would devestate us, financially. I simply cannot put us in that situation on a whim to fulfill a dream of mine that may never come true... Not when the odds are stacked so much against us.
I talked to my wonderful doctor today, and while he was sad to hear the news, he always supports me in everything I choose to do. We had previously talked about the "what if's" regarding if Lupron didn't work and together decided that I'd try the Mirena as a long-term treatment for my Endo until we're ready for IVF. Due to insurance, I have to wait until Jaunuary (when they start covering IUD's) to have mine inserted, but for now my doctor gave me the option of going on continuous BC to provide some modicom of relief. I accepted and he's going to give me some samples on Monday so I don't have to purchase them for just a few months.
I hung up the phone and just cried for a while. Even though I know this is the right thing to do, and what my body needs at this time, it's still hard to give up. I feel weak, like a loser that just quit because I'm not strong/brave enough to face more pain. This is the hardest decision I've had to make in a long long time. Thank goodness for my patient, understanding husband... I could not do this without his support.
Despite the pain and how my heart aches right now, I know that there is still hope. In conjunction with this decision, my resolve to go back to school and finish up my degree has been solidified. I thank my Heavenly Father for opening one door for me as He closes another. I trust in His plan for me and while it may be a tough road, I know I am never alone.
What brought this on? Well, a few things actually. First off, my body has been having a really hard time the past 2 months especially. I've felt my Endo slowly creeping back to very painful levels. I am now so constantly nauseaous from the pain that I've had to start taking Phenegran to help keep my food/pain meds down. The bleeding/clot-throwing has reached new and frightening levels (similar to pre-Lap) and nothing other than Percocet touches the pain. Thats NOT GOOD. I cannot function on Percocet, but I can barely make it through my days at work on Rx Naproxen & Tylenol or Rx Ibuprofen & Tylenol. I am fearful that if I let the Endo keep progressing (which it will as long as we are TTC and doing fertility meds) I will soon be back in the OR having another Lap. This is a great fear of mine, not because of the pain/Lap itself, but because Ben just had an appendectomy and spent nearly a week in the hospital. Our bills from said surgery are just barely starting to come in, and another surgery would devestate us, financially. I simply cannot put us in that situation on a whim to fulfill a dream of mine that may never come true... Not when the odds are stacked so much against us.
I talked to my wonderful doctor today, and while he was sad to hear the news, he always supports me in everything I choose to do. We had previously talked about the "what if's" regarding if Lupron didn't work and together decided that I'd try the Mirena as a long-term treatment for my Endo until we're ready for IVF. Due to insurance, I have to wait until Jaunuary (when they start covering IUD's) to have mine inserted, but for now my doctor gave me the option of going on continuous BC to provide some modicom of relief. I accepted and he's going to give me some samples on Monday so I don't have to purchase them for just a few months.
I hung up the phone and just cried for a while. Even though I know this is the right thing to do, and what my body needs at this time, it's still hard to give up. I feel weak, like a loser that just quit because I'm not strong/brave enough to face more pain. This is the hardest decision I've had to make in a long long time. Thank goodness for my patient, understanding husband... I could not do this without his support.
Despite the pain and how my heart aches right now, I know that there is still hope. In conjunction with this decision, my resolve to go back to school and finish up my degree has been solidified. I thank my Heavenly Father for opening one door for me as He closes another. I trust in His plan for me and while it may be a tough road, I know I am never alone.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)